Do it with Malfoy
by madam-pyro
Summary: *FINISHED* Slytherin vs Gryffindor.Both parties become very degraded and embarressed,both get to sing their little parodying lungs out.Song parody alert :D
1. Do it with Malfoy

A/N-The bits that are between the * are Hermione singing bits.Just thought i;d let you know it get rid of a bit confusion  
  
"NO!" yelled a very flushed 17 year old Hermione Granger  
  
"I will NOT do it,you can't make me!" She yelled again,very angry indeed. A grinning arry potter,along with the rest of the occupantsof gryffindor tower begged to differ.The group had been playing magical version of the muggle game "Truth or Dare".The games were pretty much exactly the same,except for one vital difference.If one of the players refused to go through his or her dare,she would be subjected to a form of punishment that was decided my the group prior to the beginning of the game.Unfortunately for Hermione,that "punishment" would be having to to wear nothing but an electric pink tutu,knee high rainbow socks and fex for approximately 48 hours.The garments wouldn't be able to be removed at anytime.God bless magic.  
  
Hermione knew all of this as she looked into the delighted faces of her "friends".  
  
"Do you have any idea how embarressing this is going to be,how could you have thought up a dare like that" Hermione moaned in utter dispair. "I'm the head girl of this bloody school and this will be seriously undermining my authority" She complained A red headed Ron grinned at her. "Yes,yes it will.But at least you won't just be embarressing yourself" Everyone in the tower laughed at Hermiones predicament and what amusements they would behold the next day at breakfast.Harry passed a piece of paper with instructions to Hermione.She took the paper in her hands and buried her head reluctantly in her arms.  
  
"Bastards"  
  
The occupants of the tower simply laughed again.  
  
It was breakfast time and the great hall as per usual was alive with the usual morning chatter.The Gryffindor table was of course buzzing with excitement and anticipation.They simply couldn't wait another moment for Hermione to fullfill her dare.Harry and Ron decided now was crunch time.They looked at Hermione and gae her a little wink.Hermione groaned and went completely red with mortification.  
  
'I can't believe i'm about to do this' She thought with utter horror Harry stood up on his chair. "Excuse me everyone,i'd like to have your attention for a moment please.Your head girl has an..announcement to make" The hall went quiet...much to quiet for Hermiones liking.She then looked across the hall at a sneering Malfoy.  
  
"What does the F!@#ing mudblood want now" He said rather loudly to his fellow Slytherins,who snickered in reply. Hermione glared back at him. 'Alright,her deserves this,little bastard.I refuse to be embarressed,I will simply enjoy the look on the little death eaters face.'  
  
Hermione muttered a few words to give her wand the loud qualities a muggle microphone would possess.She winked at Ron who whispered a few words himself and suddenly the silent hall was filled with music.ermione grinned and began to sing....  
  
*You know Harry's got the lightening scar  
  
Super hero to every girl  
  
But when he's flirting with Professor McGonagall  
  
You know it makes me wanna hurl  
  
Now Ron needs anger management  
  
And his eating habits are rather rude  
  
Obsessed with Fleur the half breed veela  
  
But what I'd really like to do...  
  
I'd love to do it with Malfoy  
  
He's what a deatheaters supposed to be  
  
Oh Malfoy can you do it with me?*  
  
  
  
Everyone in the hall,burst into laughter,but not at Hermione,no.They all turned and laughed at Malfoy,who's face turned purple with anger.  
  
"Why you Filthy little mudblood...."  
  
He went to get up but Ron and Harry and conveniently came up behind him and grabbed his robes.The hall was aloud with wolf whistles.  
  
Hermione grinned wickedly at this reaction and continued to sing...  
  
*When Oliver flies he looks amazing*  
  
Various girls began to squeal  
  
  
  
*Spy him from Hagrids hut  
  
But now that I think about it  
  
I'd rather a man who can strut*  
  
  
  
Hermione winked at Draco,he tried to lunge at her again  
  
  
  
*I'd rather do it with Malfoy  
  
He's what an egotystical bastard is supposed to be*  
  
  
  
"Nobody calls me that!!!!" Draco was nearly telling his hair out in anger.  
  
  
  
*The only Slytherin I'll ever need  
  
Malfoy,do it with me  
  
I'd rather do it with Malfoy  
  
His sneers have got me on my knees  
  
The only Platinum blonde I'll ever need  
  
Malfoy, do it with me  
  
Oh Malfoy Ooooo Ooooo Oooooo Malfoy,*  
  
  
  
The occupants of the hall continued to laugh at a very much degraded Malfoy,including the teachers.Hermione was enjoying herself immensley.  
  
*I'd really like to be with Snapey*  
  
  
  
Professor Snape spat out his orange juice at this point on a very hysterical Madam Pomfrey  
  
  
  
*That greasy hair is really hot*  
  
  
  
"What did you just say!!!!"  
  
  
  
*I wonder if I could get Snapey  
  
To wanna "brew" it with Malfoy*  
  
  
  
"MISS GRANGER!!!"  
  
*I'd rather do it with Malfoy  
  
That eyebrow raising has got me on my knees*  
  
  
  
"I do no raise my eyebrows!!" Draco yelled,trying to get above the hysterical hall Ron patted his shoulder."Sorry mate,i'm afraid it's true"  
  
  
  
*Oh Malfoy won't you do it with me?  
  
I'd rather do it with Malfoy  
  
He's what a bouncing ferret is supposed to be*  
  
  
  
"That was a god damn accident and you know it Granger!!"  
  
  
  
*Oh Malfoy come and do it with me  
  
I'd rather do it with Malfoy  
  
He's really got me*  
  
Hermione finished and the hall bursts into an array of cheers and applause.Hermione took a very dignified bow to accompany her grin that didn't seem to want to go away.Ron and Harry were now on the ground in bellowing with laughter,alongside Malfoy who had passed out cold.  
  
The End.  
  
Hehe I hope you guys liked my little story/song.I know it's not terribly good,but you know it was a lot of fun to write,so thats what counts.I know it's only one chapter but i'd love it if you guys reviewed and told me what you thought of it :D cheers 


	2. Gryffindor Drop Out

A/N-hurray I can upload documents again! Here is the second chapter that several of my beautiful reviewers have asked for,thankyou all so much for your support,i'm really glad you liked the first chapter.  
  
btw-all slabs of dialogue that appear between * * are being sung  
  
The song sung in this chapter is a parody of "Beauty School Drop Out" from grease-A special thanks to my mate Katie(Grrbaby) for the idea  
  
  
  
"That friggin mudblood bitch.I'm going to kill her"  
  
It was several hours after the little show in the great hall and Draco was stalking back and forth across the Slytherin common room,seething with loathsome thoughts towards Hogwarts head girl.There was only one thing for Draco to do.Revenge.  
  
"It's time to fight fire with fire." mused Draco smuggly as a form began to twist it's way into Draco's scheming mind  
  
"She started this...and now it's time for me to finish it.The little bitch won't know what hit her"  
  
Draco smirked and walked off to find some of his fellow Slytherins.He wanted them all to be very well informed as to what Draco's revenge plan was,just as the Gryffindors had known about Grangers little peformance beforehand.Oh yes,She was going to pay,and Draco was going to have some fun humiliating her just as she had done to him.He was willing to swallow his pride to pull off this little stunt,it would be well worth it.  
  
*next day*  
  
Hermione walked down the staircases quickly into the crowded hallway.She was going to be late for potions and she new Snape would not be happy about it.It wasn't her fault she was late.She was being stopped by random people every 5 seconds to be congratulated yet again for yesterdays Malfoy humiliation,she was currently the school hero,at least with everyone that wasn't from a house that had a snake for a mascot. Hermione began to pick up the pace as she dodged in and out of gossiping students.Naturally,it wasn't long before she felt a huge thud.She had ran into someone.  
  
'Oh no' Thought Hermione to herself  
  
It was Malfoy  
  
'Perfect' Draco thought to himself,very pleased I might add.  
  
'Right on time for a little payback.It's show time'  
  
Draco pushes Hermione slightly and managed to make her drop all her books.Hermione scowled at him and thought to herself 'Bastard'.  
  
She bent down to pick up her books and suprisingly,Draco kneeled to to face her.  
  
"You're going to pay for that humiliation you caused me yesterday mudblood.Nobody embarresses a Malfoy and gets away with it" He whispered so softly that no one around the pair heard except for Hermione herself.  
  
Before Hermione could utter a single word in response,Draco suddenly jumped up and began talking rather loudly.Loud enough for the crowds of people surrounding them could here anyway.Several Slytherins purposly began to move in closer.  
  
"Look Granger,I don't like you,alright!Christ how desperate can you get,do you think you could just leave me alone for 5 seconds!You know,you constantly following me around to attempt to get my attention is getting really pathetic,especailly after yesterdays little peformance.Did you actually think I would go for that sort of thing?I'm not THAT desperate.And for the last time,no,you cannot transfer over to my house.You don't have what it takes to be a true Slytherin and to be perfectly blunt,I don't care for mudbloods,especially you.You weren't even worth that one night stand last month."  
  
Unfortunately for Hermione,four very bad things happened in the next ten seconds. 1.Every single student that was in hearing distance began to point and laugh at herminoe and utter how pathetic she must be 2.Ron and Harry happened to walk down the stairs at the very moment Malfoy had uttered the one night sand part,AND looked at Hermione in complete horror and disgust(along with the rest of the Gryffindors who happened to be in the hall at the time) 3.When Hermione went to open her mouth to defend herself Draco cut her off 4.Draco had burst into song  
  
*Your story's sad to tell, From Gryffindor tower you have fell*  
  
*A mixed up mudblood who's world i've rocked*  
  
*You are so despised now, why not admitt to all your lies now*  
  
*Look at your friends,they all think you're vile*  
  
  
  
Draco smirked with satisfaction as Hermione leapt up to strangle him.Unfortunately for her Crabbe had grabbed her and Blaise Zabini cast a silencing and body binding spell on her before she could scream the castle down and try attacking te blonde Slytherin again.  
  
  
  
*Gryffindor drop out, no more friends for you*  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, You weren't even hard to woo*  
  
*Well at least you could have taken time to wash and clean your robes up*  
  
*After spending all that dough to have me fix your pantyhose up*  
  
Hermiones eyes widened with horror and Draco's words.She looked desperately to Ron,Harry and the rest of Gryffindor who were glaring back at her.  
  
'How can they possibly believe him?' Hermione thought to herself in dispair.  
  
Then she saw it.Crabbe and Goyle were handing out moving photographs of her and Draco in..compromising positions.Hermione knew they had faked the photos,but to everyone else they were genuine proof of Draco's words.  
  
  
  
*Baby get moving, why keep your feeble hopes about me alive?*  
  
*What are you proving?*  
  
*Who wants to keep a mudblood like you on the side?*  
  
You tried to get into slytherin but were made out to be the fool*  
  
*Turn in your wand and go back to muggle school*  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, nerdy,ugly and a bore*  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, with you it's not that hard to score*  
  
*Slytherin couldn't teach you anything,and your not much of a looker*  
  
*Your better off on a hogsmeade corner,making money as a hooker*  
  
  
  
"Damn straight" muttered Ron as he took another disgusted look at the forged photographs  
  
The tears began to slide down Hermione's cheeks  
  
  
  
*Baby forget it, you're not cut out to hold a wand*  
  
*Better forget it,of you no one's particulary fond*  
  
*Your hairs too wild,you're a mudblood child,and drooling on me isn't *that cool*  
  
*Stop polluting the castle and go back to muggle school*  
  
*Baby you've blown it,To Gryffindor you bring shame*  
  
*Baby you know it,You're the only one to blame*  
  
*You called the shot,said I was hot,it was your first time with a guy*  
  
*Now no house wants you,leave and don't forget to say bye bye*  
  
  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, go back to muggle school*  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, go back to muggle school*  
  
*Gryffindor drop-out, go back to muggle school*  
  
Draco finished with one of his trade made eyebrow lifts,directed of course at Hermione and cheers rang out through the hall from the estatic Slytherins who could barely stop laughing.Blaise finally decided to release the head girl from the spells he cast upon her.  
  
Hermione looked up to where Ron and Harry were standing.They took one last utterly disgusted look at her and headed back up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Hermione sunk to the floor,humiliated and feeling completely alone.As the crowd began to slowly diminish,Draco walked past her and whispered something only she could hear.  
  
"Pay backs a bitch"  
  
And with that he stalked off towards the dungeons,very pleased with himself.  
  
"Well Miss Granger,that will teach you to mess with Slytherin"  
  
It was Snape,looking almost as smug as Malfoy.  
  
"You" Hermione hissed as truth hit her  
  
"You forged the photographs,you helped that self rightious bastard!"  
  
Snape smiled,which was an action that could strike fear into the heart of the bravest of wizards I can tell you now.  
  
"Of course I did,It was not only malfoy you humiliated yesterday,but being the circumstances as they are I'd really like to see you prove I did anything"  
  
With that,he whipped around,cape flying behind him as he too made for the dungeons.  
  
Hermione narrowed her eyes in pure hate,a plan formulating in her mind  
  
"Oh yes" She said to no one in particular  
  
"Pay backs a bitch" 


	3. Photograph From Hell

A/N-Hurray for fanfiction working for me again!  
  
yep thats all I had to say :D  
  
Hermione picked herself up off the ground and gathered up her books.  
  
'First things first' Hermione thought determidly to herself  
  
'Time to get back my friends,god knows how I can pull this off without the two biggest rule breakers in school'  
  
Yes,that's right folks,Hermione Granger,head girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry was actually going to skip a class.  
  
'I'm sure Professor McGonagall will understand' Hermione thought again to herself as she made her way up the staircase and headed towards the Gryffindor common room.  
  
She came to the portrait of the fat lady who seemed to be entertaining some rather amusing and intoxicated guests.  
  
"Oh hello there young lassie" the fat lady giggled at Hermione  
  
"umm aren't you going to ask me the password?" Hermione asked,quite scared of the fact that it was humanely possible for a figure in a painting to get pissed off their nutter.  
  
"hahaha quite right lassie quite right.Password please?" the fat lady managed to splutter out in a burst of giggles while at the same time tripping over a very very drunk and very very passed out pear that had obviously been visiting from the painting that leads into the kitchen.  
  
'A drunk piece of fruit..wonders never cease' Hermione shook her head  
  
"Oliver Wood rocks my world"  
  
"hahaha he certainly does" The fat lady giggled again and the portrait swung open  
  
'Alright here we go,brace yourself Hermione' The brown haired girl thought to herself shakily as she entered the common room to find not only Ron and Harry waiting in there,glaring daggers,but also the entire population of students who resided in Gryffindor tower.  
  
"I guess I wasn't the only one to cut class" Hermione muttered  
  
"You have no right being here" Spat Ron  
  
"Why don't you just go back and screw Malfoy again....you...you mudblood whore!"  
  
Everyone in the tower uttered cliche' gasps.They were all pissed at Hermione,she had slept with the enemy AND tried to get herself into Slytherin.But calling someone a mudblood just wasn't on if you were a Gryffindor,it just wasn't cricket.  
  
"Oh for Christs sake Ron" Hermione yelled,quite hurt and enraged at his comment  
  
"I didn't do anything!The bastard was lying.How could you believe a bouncing ferret like Malfoy over your best friend.I mean isn't it just a little obvious,even for you,to see that he was obviously just trying to get revenge on me for yesterday!"  
  
"Yeah nice try Hermione" he yelled back  
  
"If it was all just a lie then how can you explain the pictures" Ron thrust the photographs into plain view of everyone.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes,stormed over to where Ron was standing and snatched the pictures from Rons hands.  
  
"Honestly don't you people know anything,christ and you call yourselfs wizards."  
  
She brought her wand out from under her robes and slammed the end down on the photographs.  
  
"Deletrius Incantatem!" Hermione roared,letting out all the emotion she had held in(well mostly) for the last half hour  
  
The photo's flickered slightly and the images of Hermione and Draco slowly transformed back into the images of the original photograph.  
  
"See I told you all!" Hermione said,quite satisfied with her own abilities to show them all up  
  
"It was all only a spell to make everyone believe that....OH MY GOD!"  
  
Everyone quickly crowded around to look at what Hermione was yelling about now.What they saw no doubtly scarred each and every one of them for the rest of their lives.  
  
Two people still remained in the photographs.Ron was about to accuse Hermione of being a lying whore again when he suddenly his eyes focused on who the two people in the photograph were.  
  
It was Professor Sprout and Snape,going at it like there was no tomorrow.At closer glance you could see Snape wearing black boxers with flashing green writing that says "I love Sprouty"  
  
"OH MY GOD" Squealed Ginny  
  
"I'M BLIND,I'M BLIND" Screamed Harry as he ran around the room trying to erase the images from his head  
  
"Thats some nasty shit" commented Dean Thomas  
  
Ron didn't have time to comment,as he had past out dead on the floor and Hermione had covered her mouth tostop herself from being sick.  
  
~20 minutes later~  
  
The commotion had somewhat died down by this time.Ron had regained conciousness but was cowering the corner.Harry was now sitting on a coach next to Hermione,but was still muttering random sentances about his eyes being soiled for life.The rest of Gryffindor tower had spent the last 20 minutes avoiding coming within 10 metres of the photographs and apologising whole heartedly to Hermione.  
  
"Well I hope you all believe me now" Hermione said quietly  
  
"Herm,we're so sorry" Ron and Harry said at the same time  
  
"It's alright guys,I probably would have reacted the same way if I had seen a photograph of one of you with Malfoy"  
  
The next 5 minutes consisted of Hermione and Ginny trying to calm down two hysterical boys by the names of Ron and Harry who were once again scarred for life at the prospect of either one of them "Doing It" with Malfoy.  
  
"Men" muttered Hermione to herself  
  
"Anyway,everyone I need your help.All of you." The Gryffindors crowded around  
  
"I think it's time for a little payback on both Snape and Malfoy for the little spectacle they pulled today.I can't do it alone though.Harry,I need you and Ron to get out your invisibility cloak and break into Snapes storeroom tonight.I want to you steal the following ingredients.." She handed him a piece of parchment  
  
"All the rest of you,I need you all to spread the word to everyone in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw to be in the dungeons corridors tommorow,third period.Make sure the Slytherins find out too,but make them think that Snape is going to do something horrible to a Gryffindor or something.Ginny I'm sure you can handle that last little bit,we all know what a wonderful actor you are."  
  
Ginny winked at her. "You got it Herm"  
  
"Now if you'll excuse me,I need to go and have a little chat with Professor McGonagall" Hermione flashed a smirk at her fellow housemates that would even have rivalled the famous Malfoy ones.  
  
The rest of the Gryffindors set out to peform their individual tasks.Tomrrow was going to be a beautiful day  
  
  
  
A/n-BAHAHAHA sorry guys to leave you hanging like that,especially without any song to keep you going in this chapter.Don't worry,I promise to to give you one in chapter 4 :D  
  
A big fat thanks to gregsmithlvr who came up with the idea of the sprout boxers(yes unfortunately I can't claim that little bit of genius) Thanks for the idea,had me laughing for about 10 minutes  
  
Thankyou to all of you who have reviewed and egged me on to write more for this fic.I've had over 40 reviews so far and each and every one of them has been positive.Thank you all so much. If you have any songs you would like me to parody for this story or otherwise,don't hesitate to email me at madam_pyro@hotmail.com with what the song is and what character/situation you want it to be about.I'll try me best to parody as many as possible now,because when school starts back up again I wont be able to do it as much(shakes fist at year 12) Try and make the song a relatively well known one(classics are always good) so people know what the hell im going on about lol :D  
  
p.s. WOO HOO my birthday in 5 days! *does a little dance* 


	4. Brewin' Together

A/N-Disclaimer,I do not own any of J.K Rowlings characters...thus why they are referred to as her characters and not Tegans characters.And if they belonged to me I would be too busy playing "quidditch" with Oliver and Draco to be writing  
  
Dudes,I am SO sorry I haven't updated lately.I wrote chapter 4 awhile ago but the document manager was stuffing up on me *shakes fist* All is well now though :) sorry once again,I wasn't abandoning my story or anyone,just technical difficulties going on.  
  
The two songs(yes two!) that have been parodied in this chapter are-  
  
Cruisin by Gwenyth Paltrow and Huey lewis(spelling probably wrong)  
  
Cherry Lips by Garbage  
  
enjoy ;)  
  
  
  
"As I mentioned last week,today we're going to be making hate potions" Said Snape Loudly in his usual surly way.  
  
It was Wednesday morning,third period,which happened to be the set time for the Gryffindors revenge against Slytherin.Or to be more specific,Hermiones revenge againts Malfoy and Snape.  
  
"After you have finished your potion you will be testing it on your partners" Snape shot a particularly gleeful Slytherin smirk towards Ron and Harry,the two partners in crime who he was very much interested to see at each others throats.  
  
Of coarse,he didn't know that they(along with the rest of the class that didn't wear green and silver as house colours) wouldn't be taking their potions this particular day  
  
"Now remember class,the final ingredient you add MUST be aconite root,NOT mandrake root.Adding that to the potion would reverse its effects to make a...love potion" He spat the last few words out with disgust. "That lasts for up to 10 minutes I might add"  
  
"Oh we wouldn't want that" whispered Ron to Harry before the pair burst into fits of laughter  
  
"POTTER!WEASLEY! Will you too stop passing love notes under the desk and pay attention in my class!20 points from Gryffindor"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes  
  
'Alright,it's show time' She thought to herself,anxious for the games to begin  
  
The head girl of Gryffindor raised her hand.  
  
"Excuse me Professor" She said in a thickly coated sugary and oh so innocent voice  
  
Ron and harry muffled snorts of laughter  
  
Snapes eyes narrowd. "Yes Miss Granger"  
  
"I don't have a lab partner and so I guess,for the potion to work of course,it would be only appropriate for you to be my partner" She set off the whole sentance with a sweet little smile  
  
Snape rolled his eyes in frustration. "Oh very Miss Granger,get over here now and be quick about it" he snapped  
  
Hermione quickly turned to wink and Ron and Harry before leaving her desk. "Yes sir"  
  
~One Hour Later~  
  
There was a knock at the door.Phase two of the plan was about to be set into motion  
  
"ENTER!" barked Snape  
  
Professor McGonagall opened the door and went to shut it behind her.Only people who were sitting in the back row(which of course were all Gryffindors..quite the coincedence) would have seen the files of people pouring down the steps towards the dungeon corridors.Ron,Neville,Dean and Harry all shared a communal grin.  
  
"Severus was wondering if I could have a word to you in your office for a moment" The stern but head mistress said as she walked up to the potion masters desk  
  
Snape looked at her puzzled but accepted this rather odd situation as important buisness.  
  
"Of course Minerva" He muttered  
  
"I trust you are competant enough to add the aconite root Miss Granger" he said in a way that really makes a person marvel at his ability to turn a glare into a tone of voice  
  
"Of course professor" Hermione smiled sweetly again  
  
Snape glared again and motioned Professor McGonagall towards his office.  
  
"This way Minerva"  
  
And with that the two disappeared into Snapes office with a slamming of the door.  
  
Hermione began to hum happily as she took out HER last ingredient for the potion.She chopped it up finely and threw it into the cauldron which bubbled and whizzed for a few seconds  
  
'Yep' thought Hermione.'Mandrake root will do that'  
  
~At the same time~  
  
Ron and Harry had risen from their desks to "get a few more ingredients from the shelves"  
  
Malfoy was engrossed in adding the final few ingredients to his potion  
  
'Not for long' Thought Harry as he took out his wand and whispered quietly "Diffindo"  
  
Suddenly Draco's bag made a ripping sound and the entire thing split in two,sending all of the contents spilling onto the floor.Draco swore under his breath,he hadn't even noticed Harry had done anything.  
  
As the pair walked past,Harry casually brushed his palm across Draco's desk,causing all of the aconite root to fall onto the floor unnoticed.Within five seconds Ron had replaced the "spilled" ingredient with mandrake root.Hopefully Draco wouldn't notice the difference.  
  
After the two had picked up a few unneeded ingredients to make it look like they weren't up to anything,they returned to their desks to make sure Draco added the mandrake root.Which he did as soon as he returned from picking up his belongings.  
  
"God and I thought he was good at potions" muttered Harry muttered with amusement  
  
"Yeah,the stupid git didn't even know the difference" Ron replied  
  
It was then that Snapes office door crashed open again as he stalked out in the usual Snape style,cape flying.Professor McGonagall exited the room also,taking her time heading towards the classroon door.  
  
"Alright,I expect you all have finished your potions and so now one of the partners will test it" He snarled  
  
Snape proceeded to pick which person out of each of the pairs would be testing the potion.Draco was picked out of his pair.Snape actually voulinteered to test his and Hermiones is the vain hope that something might be wrong with it and he could therefore take points off Gryffindor.  
  
'Excellent' Thought all the Gryffindors  
  
Snape took a big swig of the potion,as did Malfoy.Their eyes locked on each other as they realized that no one else was drinking.Their realization that something wasn't right came much too late though.The potion was taking effect and they had spotted each other out of everyone else in the room first.This was even better then Hermione had even imagined.The two were staring into each others eyes,oblivious to anyone else in the room.Harry ran over and opened the door,motioning for every in the halls to try and look it.The fun real fun was about to begin.  
  
Snape and Malfoy both jumped onto the closest desk and took out their wands  
  
"Sonorous" the both said together  
  
Music began to flood the room and their wands were now acting as microphones  
  
"Oh christ,their gonna sing" yelled a Ravenclaw  
  
Suddenly the crowd outside squeezed in tighter,trying not to miss the action  
  
  
  
Snape- Baby let's brew  
  
Malfoy- Some potions right here  
  
Snape- Don't be confused  
  
Malfoy- The recipe is clear  
  
The crowd broke into squeals of disbelief and utter hysterics  
  
Snape- And if you want it, you got it forever  
  
Come over to my cauldron stand,baby yeah  
  
Malfoy- So, let that wolfbane take your mind  
  
Come over here,and do be kind  
  
Very out of character for her,Professor McGonagall was on the ground(with many others) banging the cold,hard dungeon floor with laughter.She was certainly glad that she had agreed with Hermione to help out with this little Gryffindor revenge  
  
Together- Don't put that cauldron away  
  
glad you're test tubes pointing my way  
  
I love it when we're brewin together  
  
Potions are made for love  
  
Draco- Head teachers are made for love  
  
more bursts of laughter from around the room and out the corridor  
  
Together- I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
Snape- Baby it's done  
  
Malfoy- We've finished our task *he lets fly a few suggestive eyebrow movements*  
  
Snape- All ingredients are right  
  
Malfoy- Lets put it in,the flask  
  
"My god,and I thought the pictures were bad" commented Neville in horror  
  
Together- And inch by inch our robes are closer and closer  
  
Malfoy- To every greasy part of each other  
  
Snape- Ohh baby yeah  
  
*Neville proceeds to faint*  
  
Malfoy- Sooo,let that mandrake take your mind  
  
Come over here,and do be kind  
  
Together- Don't put that cauldron away  
  
glad you're test tubes pointing my way  
  
I love it when we're brewin together  
  
Potions are made for love  
  
Malfoy- For me you have paid for love *draco winks at "Snapey"*  
  
Together- I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
Malfoy- Brew with me baby  
  
Snape- oooooohhh,yeeeah  
  
oooooohh  
  
ooooh baby lets brew  
  
Malfoy- Lets stir,lets slice  
  
Snape- Lets open my store room door..and go,inside  
  
"Speaking about inside" Said Hermione rather loudly  
  
She pointed her wand at Snapes robes and muttered a few words.The entire crowd burst into laughter....again  
  
"oh my god he's wearing em" Yelled Ron  
  
yes indeed,right there for everone to see through Snapes all new Hermione improved see through robes were the infamous sprout boxers  
  
It was at this point that Seamus ran out of the room to be sick  
  
Together- And if you want it you got it forever  
  
Snape- I could just stay here beside you and brew you baby  
  
Malfoy- Let the bezoar....  
  
Snape- Take your miiiinnd (he sang with particular eye squeezing emotion and hand movements)  
  
Come over here and....  
  
Malfoy- be kiiinndd (same emotion thing)  
  
  
  
Together- Don't put that cauldron away  
  
glad you're test tube is pointing my way  
  
I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
potions are made for love  
  
Snape- Slytherin seekers are made for love  
  
Together- I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
Don't put that cauldron away  
  
glad you're test tube is pointing my way  
  
I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
Murky dungeons are made for love  
  
Malfoy- Ex-death eaters are made for love  
  
Together- I love it when.....  
  
Snape- I love it,I love it,I love it  
  
Malfoy- ooohhh  
  
Snape- brew with me baby  
  
Malfoy- I love it when we're brewin' together  
  
The crowd bursts into cheers and claps.The two Slytherins blinked their eyes and looked at each other  
  
"oh shit" The said  
  
They looked across at the crowd,which naturally was the entire school  
  
"We're not gay!" they said together,once again  
  
"Sure,sure" laughed Harry  
  
Draco was flushed with embarressment,too much so to even think of physically fighting with his arch nemesis in case people got the wrong idea.  
  
"Oh..oh yeah Potter....prove it then" Is all he managed to splutter out  
  
Snape was too frozen in shock to even take house points off at the moment  
  
"prove it eh?" asked Harry  
  
He grinned and jumped on the table  
  
"Well I do love a good challenge.....SONOROUS"  
  
"Oh good god not again" muttered Snape  
  
"This little number goes out to everyones favorite homosexual Slytherin...Draco"  
  
Draco's blood boiled. "I AM NOT GAY"  
  
No one listened to him,Harry began.  
  
He likes everything you have  
  
But you're young and dumb  
  
though you do have a nice bum.....  
  
"POTTER!!!!!" yelled Malfoy  
  
For you he lets his hair hang down  
  
lets the grease flow around  
  
Conditioner no where to be found  
  
How will this go down with you dad.....  
  
But you're the hottest thing  
  
That he has ever seen  
  
You're so such a pretty boy  
  
In the wizarding realm  
  
Your fathers on Voldies side  
  
on VERY physical terms  
  
"Must Run in the family" muttered Ron  
  
"FUCK YOU WEASLE"  
  
  
  
With your snarling lips and slicked back curls  
  
You can make snapey gasp  
  
When you'd go walking past  
  
In your quidditch robes and pansys high heels  
  
"THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE" Draco quickly slammed his hand over his mouth...he shouldn't have said that  
  
He could not believe  
  
That such a Slytherin was for real  
  
It was like the dark mark had appeared  
  
Whenever you came near all straights would disappear  
  
Because you looked just like a girl  
  
Your suggestive eyebrows would flash  
  
And suddenly a spell was cast  
  
You're so such a pretty boy  
  
In the wizarding realm  
  
You're there at Snapeys side  
  
In physical terms  
  
You melt that ice in snapeys heart  
  
You shine your light on "hidden parts"  
  
better get rid of,sproutys pants  
  
before she gives him a second chance  
  
Go baby go go  
  
He's right behind you  
  
Go baby go go  
  
yeah,he's looking at you  
  
Go baby go go  
  
Oh ,he's right behind you  
  
Go baby go baby  
  
Yeah, you know he wants you  
  
Go baby go baby  
  
Oh, he's right behind you  
  
Go baby go baby  
  
Yeah, he's salivating on you  
  
Go baby go baby  
  
Oh, he's right behind  
  
Go baby go baby  
  
Yeah, you want him too  
  
You melt the ice in Snapeys heart  
  
You shine your light on hidden parts  
  
We know you've been in his....chants  
  
Come on Draccie,take the chance  
  
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!"  
  
*all the male Gryffindors decided to join in as a backing choir*  
  
Pretty boy  
  
In the Wizarding realm  
  
father on voldies side  
  
on VERY physical terms  
  
Go baby go go  
  
Go  
  
Yeah, he's drooling on you  
  
Go baby go go  
  
Oh, he's right behind you  
  
Once again the potions room was bursting with claps,cheers and a hell of a lot of wolf whistles.Snape at Malfoy were overcome with utter embarressment mixed with thoughts of homocide.  
  
Oh yes,the Gryffindors had gotten their revenge all right  
  
  
  
A/N-Hurrah another chappie finished :D I hope you didn't mind the length of it due to the two songs,but i really did owe you since there was no song in the last chappie  
  
please remeber to review :D  
  
and once again,a huge thankyou to all of you who have reviewed so far...you have given me so much confidence with my writing and it was because of you I kept writing this fic....love you all :)  
  
~Tegan  
  
p.s When you review,tell me if you want the story to end here....or should Slytherin get their revenge? 


	5. Karaoke Crazy

A/N-I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters.As if I could come up with anything as sexy as Oliver and Draco  
  
The following songs are used in the chapter-  
  
*Barbie Girl By Aqua (Snape is singing it)  
  
*Dancing Queen by ABBA (Hermione singing)  
  
*C'est La Vie by B*witched (Sorting hat and Draco singing)  
  
*Everywhere by Michelle branch (Seamus singing) *All that she wants by Ace of Base (Dean singing)  
  
  
  
  
  
Two very evil and very identical snickers came from within the darkened room.It was well past midnight.The pair looked over their work with proud satisfaction.Their creations were finished.  
  
Fred and George Weasley both snickered again.  
  
"They'll never know what hit em'" Whispered Fred  
  
"Or at least it will be too late by the time they do.Is there enough for everyone?" whispered back  
  
"Oh yes" Replied his brother. "Enough for every student and teacher,plus a few extra"  
  
"Excellent"  
  
Fred wrapped their bag of goodies up in an oversized brown paper bag and attached it to him and his brothers owl Elf.  
  
"Thats a good boy elf" Smirked George as he stroked the bird lovingly.  
  
"Take the entire bag to Hogwarts and distribut each individual goodie to whichever person it's meant for.Any left overs can just be put in the common rooms or in the great hall or something"  
  
Elf hooted at the twins and flew out in window and into the night.  
  
The pair grinned at each other.The next day at Hogwarts was going to be a very amusing one.  
  
~The Next Day  
  
Ron and Harry had both slept in late.Again.  
  
They were both up the better half of the night discussing plans of attack on Slytherin in case they decided to get a little revenge on the Gryffindors for what they had done to Snape and Malfoy.  
  
Luckily it was Saturday and so it wouldn't matter if they were late up...or so you would think.  
  
"AHHHH!!!!Harry wake up!!!We're going to miss breakfast!!!" Screamed Ron in a panic  
  
"What the bloody hell Ron,stop screaming,it isn't the end of the world" muttered Harry,still half asleep  
  
Ron glared at his best friend. "Never let me hear you undermine breakfast like that again"  
  
With that,Ron pulled Harry out of his bed and the pair dressed quickly.Neither of them saw the little present at the ends of their beds like everyone else in the school had.  
  
They ran down to the Gryffindor common room.They would have ran out of the portrait hole but around them something rather odd was going on.  
  
"What the bloody hell...." gasped out Ron  
  
The few people in the tower were all.....singing love songs....at each other!  
  
"The Slytherins...." Declared harry in a rather dark voice  
  
It was about then that Parvati ran past and dropped a wrapper as she crash tackled Dean Thomas.Ron picked it up.  
  
"Oh lord no" Muttered Ron in utter disbelief  
  
"What Ron?What is it" Asked Harry  
  
Ron showed him the wrapper.It was red and in the shape of a love heart.On the inside it read Dean Thomas.  
  
"So what?" said Harry. "Still doesn't mean it's not Slytherin"  
  
"Look again Harry" Ron replied  
  
Harry leaned in further and in tiny gold writing he could make out some writing that looked rather like "G.F.W".  
  
Harry groaned "Fred"  
  
"And George" replied Ron,looking somewhat amused.That was until Neville appeared.  
  
He took one look at Ron and fell down upon his knees.  
  
"All that I want,is Rons baby..even if we are two boys...all that I want is rons baby..yeah" he sang with particular emotion.  
  
Ron froze in pure horror.Harry burst into hysterics.  
  
"RUN" yelled Ron,having to push a laughing Harry over to make him come back to his senses.They turned on their heals and fled to the girls dormitries.Hopefully it would be safe there.  
  
"Come back soon Ronny darling!" cried Neville  
  
Ron cried out in horror again and slammed the door shut and fell on the floor to catch their breath.  
  
"Dear lord" gasped Harry  
  
"I can't believe this" muttered a very put out Ron  
  
"They are bloody prankster Geniuses them too,though i'd never tell em so.The person eats the chocolate or whatever was in the wrapper and they fall in love with whoever was wirtten on their."  
  
"Ruddy Brillian" agreed Harry "Although quite scary"  
  
"So THATS what happened" said the voice of someone quite invisible to both Ron and Harry  
  
Ginny slid out from under her bed and walked over to the pair  
  
"Ive been hiding out under there all morning.Ever since Filch asked me if I'd like a tour of his broom closet and chased me up the stairs"  
  
Ron was nearly sick all over the floor.  
  
"ugh and I thought Seamus was bad" Harry said,revolted.  
  
The three of them sat in silence for awhile until suddenly Harry snapped to attention.  
  
"Oh god...Ginny where's Hermione?"  
  
"She went down to the dungeons.She said she had to pay Professor Snape a little visit about an extra credit assignment right after she......oh dear"  
  
"AFTER WHAT?" screamed the two boys  
  
Ginny shrank back from them a bit.  
  
"......after she ate the chocolate"  
  
"FUCK" yelled Harry  
  
"SHIT" cried Ron  
  
The three of them all got up and raced over to Hermiones bed.Sure enough there was an empty red wrapped on her pillow which read "Severus Snape".  
  
Within 3 seconds they were all off down the stairs into the common room again.They ran towards the portrait hole,when suddenly harry crashed straight into Seamus.  
  
"Sorry Seamus" said Harry quickly,eager to find Hermione  
  
"Oh that's quite alright Harry" purred Seamus as he took a firm hold of Harry's shoulder  
  
Harry squirmed uncomfortably.  
  
"Erh,Seamus..are you alright?"  
  
"Oh yes Harry i'm fine......" The Irish boy purred back before(as if on cue) burst into song  
  
*Cause you're everywhere to me,"  
  
*when I do divination its you I see"  
  
*your everything I know that makes me believe*  
  
*i'm a homo oooooo,i'm a homo*  
  
He sang seductively at the petrified boy opposite him  
  
"Oh hell no" yelled Harry as he broke free,swung the portrait open and dived out.Ron and Ginny followed,both quite amused by Seamus' little show  
  
"Who's laughing now Harry" Ron grinned  
  
"Shut up you" Harry repliedas they all headed down the stairs  
  
On the way the encountered many love sick people beating out ballads.Including the sorting hat bouncing after an unfortunate and rather scared first year.  
  
*Gotta put me on....hey hey hey*  
  
*Listen to my song.....heeeeey*  
  
*I can do all sorts of stuff.....hey hey hey*  
  
*I'm hip,i'm buff.*  
  
*I can put you in hufflepuff!*  
  
Harry,Ron and Ginny couldn't help but snicker a little bit despite the possible crisis at hand.God knows what was going on in the potions room right now  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
Professor Snape was alone in his dungeon spending this particularly beautiful Saturday morning doing what he did every weekend,having a good time cleaning out his cauldron and test tubes ready for Monday's lesson.  
  
The potions master listened to see if anyone was coming.As far as he could tell,no one was.He decided to brave it and started singing to himself and whatever foul rodents were scurrying past the dark and dreary corners of the dungeon.If anyone had heard him,Severus would simply die,especially since he was singing his own version of a very well known muggle song that would embarrass him to death if anyone were to hear.And thank's to the Gryffindors he had,had quite enough embarrassment for one lifetime.  
  
*I'm a potions man,part of the Slytherin clan*  
  
*Life potions master,love life a total disaster  
  
*I don't brush my hair,black is all I wear*  
  
*Total lack of hygiene,my cauldron the only thing I clean*  
  
He sang gruffly to himself  
  
Suddenly there was a rather seductive voice from the doorway  
  
"Come on Snapey,come and play with me" Sang the voice to the exact same tune as the professor was only seconds before.  
  
Snape looked up,startled both because he had been caught in the act of doing something very un-snapish and because he could have sworn Hermione Granger was at the door of his room purring seductive words in his direction and making eyes at him.  
  
"Miss Granger!What are you doing in here!" the mortified professor barked  
  
"Oh nothing" Hermione said quite innocently  
  
"Just you..." She finished with a wicked little grin  
  
Snape started to walk backwards,away from the girl,but she only follwed until he was pinned up againts the dungeon wall.  
  
"Miss...Miss Gran..ger...if this is your idea of some sick joke...I..I suggest that you stop it right now" Snape said,trying to sound full of authority,as per usual...but somehow it wasn't working.  
  
"Oh this is now joke professor.This is very...very...serious" she smiled at him and she said each and every word slowly and teasingly  
  
"Oh my god...." The professor said,horrorfied,looking for an escape root  
  
~Snapes Inner Monologue~  
  
She is only a student,she is only a student,she is only a student.fight severus you dirty old man.fight!  
  
~Back in the real world~  
  
"I have only one last thing to say to you professor..." Hermione once again purred and the professor who was quite clearly fighting his inner conscience  
  
And yes,you guessed it.She burst into song (A/N MUHAHAHAHA IVE DESTROYED ABBA!)  
  
  
  
*Lonely old man,no friends no wife,i'll give you the time of your life*  
  
*seduced by this girl, time to make a scene, dig it,the new potions queen*  
  
*Friday morning the lights are low*  
  
*The dreary dungeons,the place to go*  
  
*Where you brews the right potions, getting in the swing*  
  
*You stalk by,cape flying*  
  
*Nobody likes this guy*  
  
*Not even when they're.....hiiiiigh*  
  
*But this little mudblood,thinks he's quite fine*  
  
*She's in the mood for a brew*  
  
(it was at this point that she made several suggestive eyebrow genstures and Snape that could even rival Draco Malfoy)  
  
~Snapes Inner Monolgue~  
  
i'm horny..horny horny horny baby...  
  
~Back to the classroom~  
  
*Now can you get a clue....*  
  
I'm the new potions queen, likes them old,greasy and very shifty*  
  
Potions Queen, feel the beat and the cauldrons heat,oh yeah*  
  
Lonely old man,no friends no wife,i'll give you the time of your life*  
  
See this girl, time to make a scene, dig it the new potions queen*  
  
*You're being a teaser,though you're turned on*  
  
Snape buried his face momentarily in his hands as he went a rather unnatural shade of crimson  
  
*Looking for help,but everyones gone*  
  
*No I don't want another,only you will do*  
  
*I'm in the mood for a brew*  
  
*So get a clue*  
  
"SEVERUS!" screeched a voice from the doorway  
  
Professor Sprout,looking quite flushed and very angry indeed stepped into the classroom.Obviously not too pleased by the image of the potions master being pinned againts the wall by a young and attractive 7th year  
  
"I thought you said you loved me and only me!" she yelled at the poor embarrassed man  
  
"ummm...well...I" Snape spluttered  
  
"Listen bitch" Said a very attitude filled Hermione  
  
"Obviously you don't satisfy him anymore.If you did he wouldn't be with me right now would he?"  
  
Sprout was speechless and looking like she was believing the head girls.Her face displayed a mixture of emotions.Despression and pure raging hate.  
  
Hermione continued  
  
"Maybe you should like lose some weight and quit smoking all that crack that everyone knows you have in your persona; 'herb garden' and learn to satisfy a man"  
  
"Well I never!" Exclaimed Sprout  
  
"Look can't you take a hint,fuck off"  
  
With that Sprout glared at Hermione and slammed the door behind her,but made sure Hermione heard her mutter... "Just you wait until your next herbology class Miss Granger"  
  
Snape had a pure look of disbelief and hoor on his face,but before he could say anything Hermione picked up where she had left off  
  
*I'm the new potions queen, likes them old,greasy and very shifty*  
  
*Potions Queen, feel the beat and the cauldrons heat,oh yeah*  
  
*Lonely old man,no friends no wife,i'll give you the time of your life*  
  
*See this girl, time to make a scene, dig it the new potions queen*  
  
"HERMIONE!!!!!!!"  
  
Ron,Harry and Ginny had all burst through the door at once.Their fear,it seemed,had not been in vain.  
  
Harry and Ron both stalked over to the pair in the corner and literally renched Hermione off Snape.Hermione immediately began to shreak insults and blasphmeys at them that i'm sure are too offensive to even utter upon these pages.Harry and Ron tried not to be offended and just laughed it off.Hermione however continued  
  
"Now Hermione you know that that would be impossible,my mothers dead" Harry replied to one rather vial comment.  
  
The boys began to drag the head girl out of the room,followed by Ginny.Professor Snape looked rather relieved despite his..erm..little problem.  
  
Snape cleared his throat uncomfortable  
  
"Uhh...20 points to Gryffindor for your help boys...oh and you too Miss Weasley"  
  
The three Gryffindors who weren't shrieking and moaning were rather impressed.  
  
The 4 of them headed up towards Gryffindor common rooms.The three sane ones were wondering how in the hell they were going to restrain Hermione.  
  
"Don't worry" said Ron rather cheerfully  
  
"You know Fred and George,their little pranks don't usually last too long.For now we should just not worry about it and just watch and laugh at all the people who are hounded by lustfilled admirers."  
  
Unfortunately for Ron,he had a tendancy to regret things after he says them.  
  
As soon as the words were out of his mouth,who came around the corner?Yes that's right...Malfoy.  
  
"Ronnie!!!!" he squealed in delight  
  
"Oh christ no...." Ron whispered as he went dead pale  
  
Malfoy hugged ron and broke out into a little dance routin,worthy of the friggin backstreet boys.  
  
*I can strut,I can sing.*  
  
*I'm the next dark lord,you be my king*  
  
*Hey boy,sit on my knee*  
  
*On your Gryffindor tower make room for me*  
  
*I gotta mansion with windows and doors*  
  
*I'll show you mine if you show me yours*  
  
It was a rather funny site really.The so called most evil youth in the wizarding world dancing all camp like and singing to Ron Weasley of all people about wanting him to sit on his knee,while at the same time Ginny and Harry were on the ground laughing their heads off while still trying to restraining Hermione who was trying to claw her way back down the the dungeons.Oh and Ron was of course standing like a stunned mullet and started gagging when Draco suggested that he should make room on his "Gryffindor tower" for him.  
  
As Draco broke out into another dance routine,Ron made his escape and bolted towards Gryffindor Tower(A/N-the real one) and was follwed close behind by 2 laughing individuals and one screaming one who was yelling death threatas at everyone who passed.  
  
"Why me!" Ron yelled and panted as he ran  
  
"Why did I get bloody two after me!"  
  
"Oh I dunno Ron,I guess your just irrisistable.A regular Mr. Charasmatic" Laughed Harry  
  
"But they were both bloody boys!" Ron wailed as they finally reached the portrait hole  
  
"Woodstock" Said Harry between fits of laughter  
  
Ron entered,rather grumpy and Hermione was thrown in by Ginny  
  
~Two Hours Later~  
  
"Oh my god,oh my god,oh my god,oh my god" wailed Hermione as she rockeded back and forth  
  
The effects of the chocolate had finally worn off and Hermione was dying from embarressment and self pity.  
  
"I'm sure you have nothing to worryabout Herm." Harry said,trying to comfort her  
  
"The whole school knows what Fred and George did and that your,and everyones actions were in no way your fault or anyone elses but those bloody two"  
  
"I know Harry...it's just..." Hermione went red  
  
"What is it" Ron inquired...getting a funny feeling the answer wasn't going to be good  
  
"I kind of...well....you see...professor sprout walked in on us,and you know how theres something between the two of them and I kinda got jealous and...."  
  
"Oh shit" whispered Ron  
  
"What did you do!" exclaimed Harry  
  
"I kind of called her a bitch,told her she was overweight and couldn't keep a man satisfied.Oh and i also told her to fuck off"  
  
Ron and Harry looked at each other and burst into laughter,something that had happened a lot lately.  
  
"You guys this isn't funny!What am I going to do?Sprout is going to kill me on Monday" Hermione wailed at the two  
  
"Sorry Herm" laughed Harry  
  
"You gotta admit though,the image of that is very funny"  
  
Hermione put her head in her lap,wanting to crawl somewhere and die  
  
"Come on" said Ron as he lifted her up reassuringly. "We'll figure this out.I'll tell you what.Lets just have a bit of chocolate and try and figure a way out of this together ok?"  
  
Hermione smiled,despite the tears that were welling uo in her eyes.God forbid that she may fail a subject.  
  
Ron smiled back  
  
"That's my girl.Now come on,come have some choccie with me" he grinned as he unwrapped a chocolate and popped it into his mouth  
  
"RON NO!!!" screamed Harry  
  
But it was too late.Ron's eyes windened in horror as he realised what he had just done. His two friends crowded around him to see what the wrapper said.Ron,full of dread,slowly unrolled the wrapped..revealing the words....  
  
"Rubius Hagrid"  
  
Ron shreaked and passed out in a dead faint  
  
A/N-Well that's another chappie guys :D Sorry I took so long to update..yes yes I know...i'm a lazy shite.Now I need to know guys,should I continue the story or leave it there?Please tell me by reviewing *hint hint nudge nudge say no more* and if you want the story to continue please give me some ideas i can use.I promise you will get full credit if I use any of them 


	6. The Final Straw

A/N-Hello boys and girls :D I know that a few of you actually read my original ending to this fic and for it was rather !@#$ and I feel that I am inclined to agree.So,by popular demand,I have now written a proper ending to "Do It With Malfoy" and I assure you it most certainly will be the ending,I don't want to drag the story on too far.I am pretty sure that I will write other song fics though so don't worry(or do worry) you're not getting rid of me that easily *grins evily*  
  
"Oh god oh god oh god" jittered a very paranoid Hermione Granger  
  
"I'm going to fail this class.Then i won't be able to graduate.Then I'll end up up here for another whole year.Or worse,i'll be kicked out and i'll end up as a prostitute on some muggle street corner"  
  
The trio were in Herbology,awaiting Professor Sprouts arrival.Or perhaps a better way to put it would be,dreading Professor Sprouts arrival.  
  
"Come on Hermione,calm down.Everybody knows that almost everyone was under the influence of Fred and Georges chocolate on the weekend.Sprout can hardly blame you for what happened,It wasn't your fault." Offered Ron  
  
"Ron's right Hermione.I mean no ones blaming him for turning up on Hagrids doorstep with a bouquet of posies,looking all smitten...although Hagrid did seem rather flattered behind the whole look of terror on his face" Remarked Harry with a grin  
  
Ron clenched his teeth "You're not helping Harry"  
  
Hermione sighed.She just knew that Sprout wouldn't be over Hermiones little outburst yet.  
  
As if on cue,Professor Sprout stalked through the door in a rather Snape like fashion.As soon as she had stepped over the thresh hold she turned her head towards Hermione and gave her the most evil grin that a Hufflepuff could muster.  
  
Hermione shrank back into her chair.  
  
Sprout was just about to open her mouth to take points of Gryffindor (just as a beginning for her revenge on Hermione) when Professor McGonagall glided into the room.  
  
"Attention please everyone,the headmaster wishes to see the entire school in the great hall immediately" The head of Gryffindor blurted out quickly,looking a tad worried  
  
"I'm afraid that it seems to be rather important so do not dally about"  
  
With that,she swept out of the room as quickly as she had swept out.  
  
Professor Sprout glared,very put out that she didn't have a chance to get her revenge on that "nuisance of a Gryffindor" for stealing her Snapey poo.  
  
Hermione thanked all the gods she could think of and jumped up to race out of the greenhouse.As she did,she found herself obligated to pass Professor Sprout.As she did,the very pissed off Herbology teacher hissed at her,  
  
"Don't worry my little lovely,you'll get yours"  
  
Hermione couldn't escape the room fast enough.  
  
~In the great hall~  
  
The Great Hall was alive with anxious chatter.Why did Dumbledore want to see everyone?Was there some sort of emergency?Had Voldermort returned yet again?  
  
After the last of the students filtered in through the massive double doors,the headmaster rose and signaled for everyone to be silent.Suddenly the hall was as quiet as a tomb.Everyone waited for the headmaster to speak.  
  
"I think it has come to not only mine,but every ones attention,that over the last few weeks the students of this school,and perhaps some who no longer attend,have been playing various....pranks upon one another.Pranks of which I am sure you will all agree are of the vocal variety"  
  
"Oh so thats it" muttered Ron  
  
"He got us all in here to tell us off"  
  
This was also the general thoughts of most people in the hall  
  
"Although these pranks have been amusing to most of us...."  
  
Hermione happened to look up at the teachers table at this point,just in time to see Snape scowl  
  
"It does however have to stop.It is beginning to cut into class time,which all of you,especially those in their 7th year cannot afford"  
  
The students groaned.Even though the majority of them had at some point been horribly embarrassed by the singing,everyone was having a great deal of fun.  
  
"Yes,yes I thought you would all react like that.That also indicates that the pranking probably will not stop just because I have asked you to.You are all simply having too much fun with it to stop."  
  
The students perked up a bit.Maybe Dumbledore was giving them his blessing.They had quickly forgotten that just seconds earlier he had said that it had to stop.  
  
"I'm afraid there is only one way to stop this.." Dumbledore continued,his all knowing eyes sparkling with amusement,which always meant trouble  
  
Students and teachers alike were scratching their heads in confusement.What was Dumbledore playing at.  
  
"It is time for all of you to get a taste of your own medicine"  
  
And with that,Professor Dumbledore climbed up onto the teachers table,with suprising ease I might add,and whisked his wand from his robes.  
  
"Sonorous"  
  
"Oh Christ no" exclaimed Ron  
  
"Something tells me that we're all going to be very scarred after this" muttered Harry  
  
Unfortunately for him and the rest of the occupants of the great hall(not to mention everyone reading this) they had no idea just how scarred they were going to be.  
  
"Something tells me that that's the point of him doing it,to scare it out of us" replied Hermione  
  
Dumbledore began  
  
*Baby, take off your cape, real slow.*  
  
And oh yes,Dumbledore removed his cape  
  
"Noooooo" wailed Harry  
  
"For that love of god,not bloody Tom Jones"  
  
*Baby, take off your shoes. I'll help you take off your shoes.*  
  
He kicked his shoes off  
  
*Baby, take off your dress robes. Yes, yes, yes.*  
  
He took off one layer of robes.Everyone student screamed in terror  
  
*You can leave your hat on.*  
  
"AND EVERYTHING ELSE" screamed a very horrified Ron  
  
Even though a lot of scarring stuff had happened in front of the eyes of the students and staff alike at the school,Dumbledores little show still enabled them all to be shocked and sickened.His plan was working  
  
*You can leave your hat on.*  
  
*You can leave your hat on.*  
  
*Go over there, turn on that light. No, all the lights.*  
  
"Please don't!" wailed Seamus  
  
*Come back here, stand on the chair. Ooh, baby, that's right!*  
  
Dumbledore accompanied this part of the song with some particular,shall we say....suggestive gestures  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" squealed a poor Hufflepuff girl as she fell on the floor in a dead faint at the pure scarring imagery Dumbledore was forcing into the students fragile young minds  
  
*Raise your wand in the air, now shake it.*  
  
Dumbledore continued his little strip tease by bending down and removing one of his socks and threw it at a poor unsuspecting 1st year Ravenclaw,who proceeded to squeal and run as far away from it as humanely possible  
  
*You give me reason to live.*  
  
"You're giving me a reason not to!" moaned Draco as he tried desperately to shield his eyes  
  
Dumbledore merely gave him a taste of his own medicine by raising his eyebrows and winking at the Slytherin before he continued.  
  
*You give me reason to live.*  
  
*You give me reason to live.*  
  
The other sock went flying.The crowd parted faster than lightenin from where it landed  
  
*You can leave your hat on!*  
  
*Suspicious minds are talking. That's right, they'll tear us apart.*  
  
The ironic thing was that no one in the hall was talking.Wailing and screaming would probably be a better description.Except of course for professor McGonagall who actually seemed to be rather enjoying herself as she clapped along to the music.  
  
*They don't believe in this love of ours.*  
  
*They don't know what love is.*  
  
The headmaster proceeded to perform a Michael Jackson moonwalk across the table.All muggle borns within the room groaned in agony.  
  
*They don't know what love is.*  
  
*I know what love is.*  
  
*You can leave your hat on.*  
  
*You can*  
  
Dumbledore decided to tease them further and pretended to get ready to remove his last remaining outer robe.The whole school screamed only one thing in unison,well actually not the whole school....the ones that were crying hysterically couldn't shout.  
  
"NOOOOOO" they all screamed  
  
The headmaster chuckled  
  
"Yes,I didn't think any of you would like that.Minerva do pick your jaw up of the ground."  
  
The transfiguration teacher blushed and did as she were told.  
  
"Now everyone" Dumbledore continued  
  
"I am assuming that if you don't want a repeat display you will al behave yourselves from now on and stop with these vocal pranks?" His eyes twinkled with mischief  
  
The whole hall was buzzing with agreement and apologies and people still exclaiming that they were blind.Most never wanted to hear another song again...ever.  
  
The headmaster grinned.  
  
"Well...just to make sure...."  
  
Dumbledore grasped both sides of the robe.Before anyone could yell out in strangled protest he flung open the robes to reveal......  
another layer of clothing.  
  
The entire population of the hall sighed with relief.  
  
"Next time you may not be so lucky" chuckled the old wizard  
  
The famous trio looked each other  
  
"NEXT TIME?????"  
  
~The End~  
  
Epilogue  
  
Because of Hermiones little outburst at Sprout she failed herbology and took heavily to the butterbeer.After going through 45 grueling minutes of A.A meetings she cleaned herself up,beat the living sprout out of professor sprout and managed to not get expelled,by marrying Snape(we all know he was quite taken with her).They had 17 children and after the final one was born,Hermione went on to graduate.They lived greasily ever after  
  
Draco revolted against his father by cutting off Lucius' precious golden hair.Lucius went on to die instantly due to the fact that his hair was his mortal life force.Without daddy to bug him anymore,Draco could fulfill his lifelong dream,to score with Harry Potter and star in many slashy fanfics created in the twisted minds of female Harry/Draco shippers.He did  
  
Harry told Ginny to bugger off and moved in with Draco  
  
Ginny cried and married Neville on the rebound.He never suspected a thing.Idiot.  
  
Oliver Wood remained to be the sexiest Gryffindor ever to grace Hogwarts vast halls.Need I say anymore?  
  
Ron keeled over and died.Nobody likes Ron.  
  
All you fans of Ron are angry with me aren't you?Oh Alright!  
  
Ron was found 3 weeks later half eaten by Alsations.It took Hermione several minutes to realise who the hell Harry was talking about when he owled her with the news.She never did like Ron.  
  
Your all still angry aren't you?  
  
FINE!  
  
Ron lived happily ever after prancing throughout golden meadows with wood nymphs and singing gay and happy songs while he picked strawberries and wildflowers.  
  
Seamus is still singing to Harry.When questioned by Dumbledore about how much of that chocolate he ate,he informed him that he is allergic to chocolate and doesn't have a clue what he is talking about.Oh and he also finished this sentence by singing "Hit me Harry one more time" quite loudly.  
  
Harry and Draco have now gone into hiding  
  
Pansy was so distraught over the loss of Draco that she ran off and married Lord Voldermort.Poor man.  
  
Two years after Hermione and Snapes marriage they are now awaitng their 32nd child.They can afford it because Snape managed to make a fortune by selling all of his hair grease to a local fish and chip shop.  
THATS ALL FOLKS  
  
A/N-ok I know that was a really shite ending,and personally I liked the other chappies better,but hey thats life.This time Im serious about this being the last chapter.I will no longer add to this story.However I will write other stories and song fics in the future.Thanks heaps for reading and reviewing,you've been fantastic.Remember to keep reviewing and tell me what you thought of the ending :D  
  
~Tegan 


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